Did you know that sometimes I create posts with the sole intention of you being able to share them as a way to begin/encourage the conversation(s) you want to have?
This is one of them.
I, personally, cannot stand anyone making a comment about my body- yes, EVEN IF it’s “omg you look so good.”
I’ve never been able to tolerate that. It’s always been triggering. In a bigger body, a smaller body, in a body with a 6-pack and in a body without one.
If you *are* trying to compliment someone on their appearance, try:
“That’s a really cute dress!”
“I love that color on you!”
….nothing. At. All.
“What’s so bad about trying to compliment the way someone looks?”
For me, it was a reminder that my body was indeed, on display. A well-meaning “you look so good” told my disorder “listen, bitch. You better keep this up at any cost to remain something worth complimenting.”
It also told my disorder: “see? If you lose this, they’ll notice. And they’re going to say something.”
It also confirmed one of my greatest fears: “no one actually knows anything important about me and what I bring to the table because my worthiness relies solely on what I look like. If I don’t look like this, I won’t matter.”
Disorder aside, this is one reason why I resigned from the rat race of “look good at any cost” as well as “what I look like is important.” Fuck that. You will hear my ugly ass roar for eternity because I am wise as fuck whether I look like a swamp witch or not.
Reminders for you:
▶️ other people can continue to assign value to appearance. Doesn’t mean you have to for yourself *and* you can’t change anyone’s mind.
▶️someone else’s assigned meaning to your body is more about their relationship to their body and society’s pressure & has nothing to do with you.
▶️bodies are meant to change. Weight especially is a symptom that doesn’t need to be “cured.” Did you gain weight from recovering from a disorder? From allowing yourself to rest? Recover? Live? Exist? Are you trying to navigate today’s fucked up world? Remind yourself of that.