External Validation Is Not A Remedy For Self Doubt

Confidence often hides itself behind a quiet yet persistent conviction.

A conviction that doesn’t need external approval or applause.

Where we get stuck:

We sit in inaction waiting for someone to tell us to jump.

We doubt our accomplishments when not enough people applaud.

We don’t know how to feel about something until someone tells us how to feel, as if there’s a right and wrong way to feel something.

We disconnect from ourselves, living and dying by the approval of others.

I spent years waiting on others to help me make decisions. Did my clients think it was OK to raise my rates? Did IG think my body was OK? Was my PR really all that great if others didn’t think so, too?

I couldn’t make a decision until enough people told me it was ok. I couldn’t ever feel good about my PR until enough people told me it was “good.” I couldn’t take a rest day until the whole entire world said “hey, you TOTALLY DESERVE THIS!” I couldn’t feel sad unless someone else said it was totally valid to feel sad.

And then I realized I was living my life from the outside in, instead of inside out.

A huge test for me was closing my gym. EVERYONE told me to keep it. Not one person said it was a good idea to close its doors. But I knew. I knew what I wanted, I knew what made sense for me. I didn’t need the validation anymore. I was scared shitless, but not doubtful. Note the difference here. If you blink, you’ll miss it.

The more validation you seek, the more disconnected you are from yourself. I keep an eye out for the areas where I’m feeling like I need validation and that’s my sign to lean into more self trust- knowing that I’m in charge of my choices, and, as MJ once said, failures are just an illusion.

More self trust. Less external validation.