“I LOVE your dress!”
“Thanks! It has pockets!”
“I don’t like that shirt on you.”
“OMG I AM FAT AND UNWORTHY. I HATE MYSELF.”
Why are we like this?
This is just one example of the way that we externalize success and compliments but internalize failures and shortcomings.
In fact, it’s been proven that we need about 7 positive experiences just to negate the effects of one negative experience.
It’s happened to me before: ONE person leaves of a negative comment on my social media and I’m sent into a tailspin about how I’m the worst, amidst dozens of positive comments.
We do this in so many ways. We work really hard on getting a promotion, getting a new car, nailing a perfect set of 10 push-ups, and we turn it into an external win- “oh, I got a great deal on this car” or “these pushups aren’t THAT hard.”
But as soon as it’s a negative comment or experience, we let that hit us right in the feels- it’s a blow straight to our ego.
I’m not immune from this pattern either. I work my tail off to get to my next goal, brush it off like it wasn’t a big deal and keep grinding. But the second I hit some sort of resistance or receive negative feedback, I instantly take that on. Why can’t I just internalize all of my successes as easily as I internalize all of my so called failures and short-comings?
There’s an actual reason why humans do this- and that’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode!