Getting strong and building muscle was instrumental in ending the war with my body.
After over a decade of trying to shrink my body- I decided to grow.
Over 10 years ago- a girl I worked with said “your legs are so big.” I was ashamed, embarrassed, and pissed. I literally went home and wrapped my legs in SARAN WRAP (WHO DOES THIS?!) and tried to sweat them away. As if treating my legs like leftover ham would give me a thigh gap.
Fast forward 10 years after that, and a little girl said to me “Ms. Christina- your legs are… SO BIG!” And I said “THANK YOU!” I WAS PUMPED!
I built these babies. I built them after shifting from a place of “disappear” to “welp- you guys aren’t going away- so let’s just add some size while we’re at it.” This is body acceptance, btw. It comes before the celebration.
After over a decade of mindlessly making my way to the treadmill or elliptical to literally do the same ?? damn ??thing ?? AGAIN- I shifted to a place of curiosity- what cool shit can I do with my body? What movements can I explore beyond “stare at the red numbers on this machine until I’m so bored I could cry”? What if I could move in such a way that celebrated my body and its capabilities instead of obsess over calories burned?
So yeah- my body takes up space. It’s not small or cute or dainty or fragile. It’s no longer my goal for my body to be a certain aesthetic that’s coveted or on display. I don’t want to be put on a shelf like a vase that is nice to look at but easy to break.
If that means I’m built more like a bulldozer- good- so be it. No one looks at a bulldozer to decide if it *looks* good enough to be there. It takes up space without question. Its purpose is not to look cute, but rather to work and to be useful. No one is afraid to break it. Better yet, no one fucks with a bulldozer- the bulldozer is there to fuck ??shit??up???
I used to want this body to be celebrated with words that describe how it looked. Now I want this body to be recognized for what it can do- yes inside the gym, but most importantly- outside of it.